Admit it! You saw the title to the post and immediately, (if you are old enough to remember) the Phil Collins song from the early 80’s came screaming into your head. Oh, it didn’t? That’s just me? HA!! I bet it’s stuck there now. Enjoy that little earworm for the day!
Actually, all day yesterday, I had this thought in my head about sacrifice. I even got to use the “words of wisdom” that I had in my head on someone yesterday. Why didn’t I post it yesterday my whole one reader might be asking? (thanks mom!) Let me tell you; working at the Post Office the day after a federal holiday is HELL…. Yes, I said Hell. For those of you that don’t and have never worked at the post office, I won’t go into details today as that is a WHOLE ‘nother soap box and in all honesty, I don’t even want to think about it today.
Back to sacrifice. Let me tell you my story so you will know where this all came from.
I have a girlfriend who we will call Eve. She has been married for about 12 years. When you look at her marriage and talk to her, she admittedly has the perfect life. She lives in a completely paid off 4 bedroom house, 2 kids in the 10-14 year old range, she works her dream job, is married to her high school sweetheart who we will call Adam, has the newest and best of everything she could ever desire and wants for nothing. He husband ADORES her. He would bend over backwards and capture the stars to make sure she is happy. She has the life a lot of us dream of, yet she is miserable. Why? In order for her to feel loved and wanted, she needs to have “relations” (sex for all of you who can’t read between the quotes) with her husband at least 3 times a week. Calm down men…. I know what you are thinking….. However, her husband is not a sexual man anymore. He has no urges to have it, is not sleeping around, still finds his wife attractive, and medically is sound. They have been to doctors, psychologists, the whole nine yards. He is just so happy and content with his life, that it isn’t something he needs. However, she still does.
He has actually taken on what is usually dubbed as the “women’s” role in this relationship. Married men joke all the time about how once you get married the sex stops. The wife always has a headache, isn’t feeling well, is too tired; the list goes on and on.
So here Eve is, in the perfect life, with everything a woman could hope for…. and she is contemplating an affair. Sex only she says. She stumbled across an old friend from high school on facebook, one she dated off and on for awhile, who started talking to her. Talking turned into flirting, flirting turned into texting, texting turned into sexting, and now they are finding ways to send pictures and videos (x rated of course) without her spouse seeing them. The high school man, lets call him Will, is not married, has no kids, and says it’s because he hasn’t found the one that compares to her.
Let me tell you about extramarital affairs; it doesn’t matter why, how many times, or how perfect you think it is…. someone always gets hurt. ALWAYS gets hurt. It may feel right; it may feel like you are head over heels in love and everything could not be any better; you may even feel like a teenager again with all those butterflies in your stomach, a permanent smile on your face when you think of them, and cloud 9 is real! God wants you to be happy, that’s why he brought so an so into your life, it was meant to be. If I could scream NO as loud as I could here, I would…. however, chances are you wouldn’t hear me anyways. Someone always gets hurt. Things very rarely stay the way they are in the beginning, and usually it ends VERY badly….. speaking from experience here folks…. on both sides of the story. I am not proud to say that, and it was years before I came to knew Christ and accept Him as my savior. While He has forgiven all of my sins and that is not who I am anymore, it is still a part of my experience… and if it can be used to help even one person, than I will put it out there for all the world to see. Marriages in this day an age truly are against all odds. The divorce rate, in some states, is higher than the marriage rate. More and more children are being raised in a single parent setting.
Here’s what I told Eve yesterday (along with someone else who shall remain nameless); it’s called sacrifice; You have to sacrifice what you sometimes want in order to continue and move forward. It’s what we do for those we love. We sacrifice in our everyday life and often we don’t even realize we have done it. We sacrifice sleep to get up early and work out, sacrifice sleep when we have kids, sacrifice time when we work, sacrifice television programs so our kids can have some family time; we sacrifice at work, at home, with family, with friends, and yes, even with ourselves.
Time for some biblical truth….
God sent his only son to die on the cross for us, so our sins could be forgiven. Jesus gave himself as a willing sacrifice. He could have said no; he could have called his angels to come down from heaven to take him home; he could have looked at us, at the horrible mess we had/have made and said “NO way am I doing this for such an unworthy world of people”. Yet he didn’t…. He sacrificed himself freely so that our past could be wiped clean, so we could stand in front of God the father and all He would see is the blood of His son, spilled freely for my eternal life no matter what I did in my past. THAT is sacrifice people…. that is true love without the “what about my needs” feeling. God doesn’t place another person in your life to satisfy your needs when you are married. In His eyes, marriage is forever; a vow of promise and forsaking all others. Affairs are a giant no-no…. So that line of “God wants me to be happy” is a line of total bs. He does want you to be happy, but in His word… and in His ways; not the ways of the world. For those of you who don’t believe in the Lord, message me… I would love to talk to you about it some more.
Back to my thoughts.
So, what will Eve do? I don’t know. I am hoping she takes a long, thorough look at her life and realizes that there are things more important than sex; that her husband and family are more important than that momentary sensation that feels good. Chances are, the sex issue will change; he will start to have more urges in a few years, her sex drive will lessen, everything will be as it is supposed to, assuming she hangs in there. Yes it is hard, yes it will somedays make her cranky and irritable, but she can do it. Anything worth having is worth fighting for. And marriage is absolutely worth fighting for.
And if you are single, that crush you have may be worth fighting for if it’s the Lord’s will. You never know what might happen. Just do yourself a favor and “Don’t fall for someone who won’t be there to catch you”.
Until the next thought….